


breathe

by NovaCaelum



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 10:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19904236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaCaelum/pseuds/NovaCaelum
Summary: Iwaizumi's not really sure why he's here, but Oikawa is across the room, fake smiles and forced laughter.He hates it.





	breathe

Iwaizumi's not really sure why he's here, but Oikawa is across the room, fake smiles and forced laughter. _He hates it_. He hates being attracted to this dumb idiot. His best friend, who he's know for far too long, but sometimes, it feels not long enough at all. He feels stupid, watching, like the universe will somehow pull them together; because they fit like jigsaw pieces, forgotten in the box, un-moving. Iwaizumi wishes something, a force beyond his control, would pick them up and slot them together, make a picture worth keeping. But life isn't like that, so he watches and waits, barely listening to Matsukawa talking about an upcoming volleyball game.

It’s not until Hanamaki joins the conversation, throwing his arms around Matsukawa, that Iwaizumi finally pries his eyes away from Oikawa, who is now flirting with some girl. He thinks he recognises her, maybe she was in their class; he’s got new faces to remember now and finds it a chore to think about hers, if he saw her at graduation. Maybe she’d confessed to Oikawa; they’d been saying goodbyes and Iwaizumi could only hear the flooding rush of blood in his ears, Oikawa’s button missing from his blazer. It hurt knowing that Oikawa might have reciprocated her feelings, “Iwaizumi, you know you **can** go over there and talk to him.”

“What?” He asks it like they’re both imagining things; Iwaizumi knows them well enough to know it won’t put either one of them off the subject, “That idiot can do whatever he wants,” The words almost feel like they sting Iwaizumi’s throat, they leave a uneasy sensation on his tongue. Because he doesn’t mean them, he never does, and it hurts because Oikawa knows, he’s never hurt by them. In fact usually the smile Iwaizumi gets is like Oikawa read his mind, _but I love you_ , maybe Oikawa knows it. Iwaizumi never speaks his mind, he finds it easier to cover up his feelings. It’s ironic, because he sees through the front that Oikawa puts on, pretending his some sort of narcissistic playboy, and Iwaizumi pretends that he doesn’t love Oikawa. They’re just friends; he keeps telling himself that, because he **knows** that it’s stupid to think otherwise, “I couldn’t care less.”

Matsukawa and Hanamaki share a look, like Iwaizumi’s insane, and maybe he is, but he doesn’t care. What Oikawa does is none of his business; Hanamaki pulls Matsukawa away and Iwaizumi finds himself alone, he scans the room, but Oikawa is already gone. The girl too. Something claws at his chest, his heart drops, stinging in his stomach. He wonders what they’re doing; maybe Oikawa’s fake smile tastes bitter. Iwaizumi thought his real smile was much better, soft and sweet, the corners always tantalising.

An arm slides over his shoulder and he turns his head, met by bright-brown eyes and a Cheshire smile, he shrugs off the weight, frowning, “Don’t be mean, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouts; Iwaizumi hates it, _so cute, Oikawa’s beautiful like this_. Maybe it’s the reason why Iwaizumi teases so much, why he finds the words coming so easily, he wants to see this face all the time...Dumb, adorable Oikawa, the face he’d realised he’d fallen for. It had hit him like a train and settled as a warmth, pulsing loudly in his chest, “Are you jealous that I found a cute girl?”

“Oikawa.” His tone is solid, a warning.

“I’m joking,” Oikawa pokes his tongue out, Iwaizumi’s hand twitches at his side, an urge to pull at the appendage; but he knows that if he raises his hand, he’ll hold Oikawa’s face and kiss those sickly sweet lips, “I’m bored.”

“Why didn’t you leave with that girl then?”

“Hm,” Oikawa smiles, Iwaizumi wants to wipe it from his face, smother it like a flame ready to explode, “Not my type,” Iwaizumi thinks that Oikawa’s eyes flick over him, but he knows his imagination can run wild; Oikawa would never look at him like that, “Can we leave? Let’s go get ramen! You can treat me.”

Iwaizumi frowns, _what for? no, don’t be a dumbass_ , but his thoughts don’t reach his lips; instead, he’s nodding and Oikawa grabs his arm, dragging him outside, “What’s with you?”

“I’m just bored in there. I’d rather go eat ramen, with Iwa-chan at my side!” He grinned at Iwaizumi; Iwaizumi felt heat nipping at his ears and he mentally scolded himself, he didn’t want Oikawa to catch him blushing, luckily the ramen shop came into view, “Here we go!” Iwaizumi let himself be dragged inside and they find a table together, it was a lot warmer inside the shop, compared to the bitter night air, so he hopes, if his cheeks turn red, that Oikawa wouldn’t question it; they ordered and Oikawa was quiet, suspiciously so, it made Iwaizumi furrow his brows, “You'll get wrinkles, Iwa-chan," He leaned forward, pressing a finger between Iwaizumi’s brows; Iwaizumi pushed away the hand and stared at Oikawa. _Something was going on_ , “So mean.”

“Oikawa, why are you acting weird?”

Oikawa sat back, a little surprised; of course Iwaizumi would question something, he was never one to leave parties early, but there’d been some guy checking Iwaizumi out and Oikawa didn’t like the prickle that settled over his skin. Iwaizumi hadn’t seemed to have noticed the attention anyway, but Oikawa didn’t like it and he wanted to pull Iwaizumi away from that place...Before he noticed, before Oikawa’s heart broke. He managed a smile, waving off Iwaizumi’s question, “I don’t know what you mean, I was just hungry.”

"Sure.” Oikawa knew that Iwaizumi didn’t believe him, he could never lie to him anyway; their food arrived and Oikawa distracted himself with eating, trying to ignore Iwaizumi’s lingering gaze. Iwaizumi shook his head but turned to his own ramen, he wondered why Oikawa was acting so strange; maybe something had happened with the girl and he was too embarrassed to say. It wouldn’t surprise Iwaizumi, Oikawa always hated if his ego had been bruised in any way; they ate silently, the noise of the shop keeping the atmosphere from becoming too awkward.

Oikawa looked up from his bowl when the bell on the door jingled, his eyes narrowed at seeing the guy...What was his name? Oikawa didn’t care, but he didn’t like the fact that they’d been followed from the party. He looked around the shop before noticing their table and approaching, “Excuse me, Iwaizumi-san,” Iwaizumi looks away from his food, turning to the voice, “I’m not sure if you remember me, I’m Yuikira Souma, we attend the same university. We share Kitsuna-senpai’s lesson.”

“Oh, right yeah,” Oikawa relaxes a little, at least Iwaizumi doesn't sound interested, “Did you need something?”

“Right, sorry to disturb you both. I tried to catch you at the party, then you vanished. I was hoping, if you wanted to, could we go out this weekend? Just you and I.”

Iwaizumi blinked in surprise and Oikawa had to suppress his laughter, he thought it was cute though, “Um,” Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck; _embarrassed, how adorable_ , Oikawa thought, noticing a pretty shade of red spanning over the tips of his ears, “I’m sorry. I’m, uh...”

“Iwa-chan is happy,” Oikawa chimed in, reaching over to grab Iwaizumi’s hand, he looked far too cute like that, a deer in headlights. Unsure what to say, how to turn someone down, it had been easier when they were still in high school, because it had been girls and Iwaizumi wasn’t afraid to tell people he liked boys. It made things easier, “I’m sorry, Yuikira.”

“Ah, of course.”

He bowed and scrambled from the shop. Iwaizumi turned to Oikawa, now red in the face too, “What the hell?!” He pulls his hand away, like he’d been burnt and Oikawa had to shrug, pretending it didn’t hurt.

“You were useless, Iwa-chan! It was very obvious that you wanted to say no, I just helped.”

“What if he tells people?”

Oikawa pouted this time, his body almost shaking, “Am I that bad, Hajime?” The use of his given name made Iwaizumi swallow, he hadn't meant it that way, because he didn’t mind--he wouldn’t mind. If only it wasn’t a lie, “Sorry to inconvenience you then.”

“Oikawa, that’s not what I meant,” Oikawa’s brows rose, Iwaizumi held his hand to his chest, his heart beating far too quickly, “I just don’t like liars, you know that.”

“Well, it’s me, so you can pretend we broke up too. People would believe that,” Oikawa smiled, Iwaizumi could practically see the pain behind it and he wanted to reach out, tell him the truth, “After all,” _I’m annoying, I’m not good enough...You’d be better off with anyone else_ , Oikawa hung his head, his hands balling into fists, “It’s only me.”

Iwaizumi could feel like something else was left unsaid, Oikawa was still smiling though and he went back to eating, cleaning his ramen bowl quickly; Iwaizumi couldn’t touch his, not now. His stomach was in knots, his chest hurt, a lump had rose in his throat. He could feel Oikawa’s sadness, and he hated it, he wanted to say so much. _Don’t be stupid. I love you, moron. Tōru, I realised I loved you when we were fourteen, you were always ahead of me, and still aiming higher, wanting to touch the stars. I chased after you. Always chasing_

He’s reaching out before he realises it, gently touching Oikawa’s hand; it looked soft, but Iwaizumi knows better and he remembers all the times Oikawa had to tape his fingers. Pushing hard, all the way to breaking point. Iwaizumi hates it, how much Oikawa faces everything alone, head-strong. He holds on tightly, Oikawa’s looking at him, but says nothing and Iwaizumi feels nauseous, like he’s ready to throw up, because Oikawa always makes his head spin, impossibly fast. 

Oikawa’s eyes drift to their hands, he could remember all the times when he was the one to reach out; first when they were five, running through the woods to search for bugs. Then when they were ten and Oikawa had fell from a tree, his knee bruised and bleeding; it was the first time Oikawa had seen Iwaizumi cry, he’d held onto Iwaizumi’s hand like his life depended on it. Of course, Oikawa had survived, even if his brain had overreacted at the time, and Iwaizumi had became his knight in shining armour, always protecting him. Before he knew it, he was hopelessly in love. Iwaizumi...The boy who had always supported him, who followed him into volleyball and became an ace worth depending on.

He threaded his fingers through Iwaizumi’s and he squeezed, reassuring; Iwaizumi feels like he’s back on the court, when they’d lost to Karasuno and Oikawa had hit his back, _next time_ , it said. But there wasn't going to be a next time, they went to different universities and Iwaizumi had been so busy with studying, that he didn’t have time to play. It didn’t seem to matter now. Not as Oikawa leaned over the small table, Iwaizumi’s breath stalling, his blinking rapid; then their lips touched and Iwaizumi’s heart swelled, pounding in his chest...Loud in his ears, vibrating through his head--his whole body.

Iwaizumi held tight to Oikawa’s hand, pressing into the kiss. When they finally settled down, their lips were hot, a tingle settling over them, and Iwaizumi breathed; they sat there for a moment, still holding hands. They left, moments later, hands still joined, they walked back to the apartment together. Quiet, holding onto each other like they were kids again; but this time, it was much more, they didn’t need to say it. They just knew. Oikawa lets them inside and they slouched into the sofa together, Iwaizumi’s free hand ran through Oikawa’s soft hair. Their lips met again and they breathed together, Oikawa held Iwaizumi’s jaw, fingertips running over his cheek, “Hajime,” It's soft, a feathered breath over Iwaizumi's lips. Iwaizumi hums in response, his eyes steadfast and strong, “I won’t let you go.”

“I know,” Iwaizumi’s lips curl, a soft smile that Oikawa returns easily. Iwaizumi loves it, because it’s for him, no-one else will see this side of Oikawa, “And I love you.” He knows he doesn’t need to say it. Oikawa understands how he feels, but he wants to; it makes this a little more real.

“I love you too.” Oikawa’s words only solidify it; then they’re kissing again, holding onto each other, like this moment is about to vanish. Like maybe it isn’t quite real enough yet. But they _are_ there, lips red and hot; hands solid, holding on.

It’s too much, not enough, and perfect all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> excuse any mistakes, it's late


End file.
